Joanna, I Could Be Your Darling
Dear Ms. Newsom,
For as long as I can remember you have graced my dreams and more recently my CD player. Way before the Milk-Eyed Mender or even the extremely limited not-meant-to-be-sold-or-heard Walnut Whales you have been there, in my thoughts, plucking your harp amidst a circle of imaginary pastel colored bunny rabbits and pixies. Way before this whole New Weird America Freak Folk movement, way before Devendra Banhart could even grow a beard, your splendid voice caressed my soul.
I used to think that this beautiful fairy queen in my mind was no more than an amalgamation of Ferngully fairies and the classical music I once listened to before drifting off to sleep. Then I heard “Peach, Plum, Pear” and the now dwindling feelings for that mythological princess burned once again like a revitalized camp fire. Seeing you live for the first time boldly singing “Yarn and Glue” A cappella to a way too small crowd, I was sure it was you.
Now I know you’re really into Bill Callahan (a.k.a. smog) and you guys are probably having a great time touring the country, accompanying him at his shows (I noticed he didn’t return the favor), and discussing music. But it’s not going to last darling. He’s a player. You’re just another notch in his $200 vintage leather belt. Cat Power, check, scenester groupies, check, You, check, before you know he’ll be in a foursome with Feist, Eleanor Friedberger, and Kevin Barnes. You’ve learned all you can from him anyhow. Don’t let him hold you back in Baritone Boresville.
You and I will work perfectly together. I’ll take care of all the art direction, photography, and music videos as well as tour managing and bodyguard duties. New album needs a classy cover containing magic dancing wisps? I’m on it. Need a press photo of you floating through a never-ending field of petunias? Done. Lame hipster guy won’t leave you alone backstage. I’ll release the hounds. Or the sharks. Or the hounds with mutated sharks on their backs who have grown opposable thumbs and now wield samurai swords. I’m SO ON it.
Think about it and get back to me.
- Posted by Clint Miller on March 21, 2007 at 3:58 pm
